Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
