bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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