he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
