Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize