I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
