I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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