Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
