Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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