Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize