I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize