I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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