I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
