I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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