i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
