Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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