when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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