my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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