On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
