Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
