He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he was CRYING into my vagina
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
