I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
