I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize