She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize