So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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