Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
