Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
