You really coming over, don't trick.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
