She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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