why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
