I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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