Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
