Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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