I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
