it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
