i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
