So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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