hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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