If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
