Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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