I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize