Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
