I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
