Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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