that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
