Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
