I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Im part way to drunk.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
