the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
