Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
