I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
