Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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