I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
