so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think I am morally bankrupt
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
