she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize