they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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