that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
