I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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