How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
