would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
