my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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