So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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