I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
