I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
