I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Did I show you my penis last night?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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