wat bout pragnant strippers??
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
