I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
