i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
