you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize