dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
