I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
