Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
