Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
