All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
